Meet Dr. Eger.
She is one of my favourite authors.
Her books, The Choice — Embrace the Possible, and The Gift — 14 Lessons to Save Your Life are absolutely must-reads for every human walking this earth.
Dr. Eger’s survival story is incredible, and her beautiful personality and fierce attitude oozes from the pages of her books. She immigrated to America, raised three children, returned to University to earn her PhD, and still runs a thriving psychology practice as last reported on her 98th birthday.
Dr. Edith Eger is a legend.
The other F
Most people have heard of the three ways we react to situations our brains deem stressful or dangerous: the fight, flight, or freeze response.
Faced with danger, some people will jump and fight back, others will run for the hills, while others will become completely paralyzed and will do nothing.
We don’t all react the same — and we don’t react the same every time.
And then, there is a fourth F.
This F is not an immediate, instinctive reaction like the others; it’s an attitude we must cultivate when unexpected, undesirable, and stressful life situations arrive.
And arrive they will.
This F I am talking about…
Will calm you down when your body and mind are resisting and, as a result, suffering from your current predicament.
It will help you accept your circumstances when you have no other choice and no control over anything.
And will walk you through your problem.
“The best way out is always through. “
— Robert Frost
It will move you from pain to pleasure, from panic to peace, and from a traumatic episode to a thriving experience.
It is the practice of FLOW.
Not the famous flow state, coined by the psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (it’s impossible to pronounce his name), but the flow I learned from his compatriot (something going on with Hungarians and flow), Dr. Eger.
Whatever is bothering you, trapping you, hurting you.
Flow with it.
This is not a natural reaction.
It is a choice.
And a choice you must always have in order to keep going. Even if this choice is happening only inside your head.
Flow through it. Flow with it.
It is not the same as sitting passively with your hands crossed.
It is absolute acceptance, deep confidence, and inherent knowledge that this too shall pass.
Your reaction
There are plenty of times when fight, flight, or freeze is the right way to react.
If there is a fire or an active shooter, you should run.
If you see injustice, you should fight back.
And sometimes, the right thing is to lie there and freeze ( Dr. Eger pretended to be dead in her last moments under Nazi control, as they shot everyone in their path while fleeing the Allies).
For many other life challenges, just flow with them.
If you are too rigid, they may shatter you.
Perhaps you are not grounded, and they may sweep you away.
Stay rooted and let it flow, let it happen, let it be.
And it too shall pass.
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