If you are a human with a heartbeat walking this earth, I bet you have gotten your heart broken at least once.

If you have never experienced heartbreak, please contact the Guinness Book Committee.

For the rest of us, heartbreak sucks. It hurts like someone is ripping your heart out of your chest.

While there is beauty and strength in feeling the pain, eventually, you want to know how to heal your heart so you can live and love again.

The right mindsets are crucial for your mental and emotional health. Once upon a time, this specific belief changed my life. I wrote about that experience here.

These mindsets helped me through two divorces (I know!) and other smaller heartaches, and I hope they can help you too. They are not only golden for romantic heartbreaks but also incredible tools for anyone seeking healing and relief.

So let’s get to it.

1. Heartbreak it’s part of the human experience

The sheer knowledge that heartbreak is part of life is comforting and reassuring.

The universe is not conspiring against you to make you suffer miserably, nor is it entirely your fault that it hurts so much you want to disappear. Nor is it your mother’s fault, social media, or that damn childhood memory that keeps creeping back.

Guilt, blame, and shame won’t help you mend your heart. It will only add salt to an already open wound and leave that wound wide open. 

You are a human with feelings, emotions, expectations, disappointments, regrets, doubts, fears, hopes, and dreams.

Your heart will ache, your heart will break.

It’s natural, normal, and a sign that you are living and loving.

2. Let it go or let it grow

If you don’t let it go, you will let it grow.

While we navigate this crazy, beautiful life, you will get heartbroken. You can freak out, seek revenge, blame yourself, blame others, or numb it with addiction.

If you don’t let go of the hurt, the hurt will grow.

If you don’t let go of resentment, the resentment will grow.

I am not saying you have to let it go right away. But after you feel the pain and give yourself some grace, listen to Elsa and let it go.

But for the love of everything holy, how do you let it go? For once, stop focusing on it. Whatever you focus on grows.

Avoid repeating the story over and over (yes, even in your head) and get rid of things that remind you of the heartbreak, sell, give or donate objects that bring painful memories. 

3. Go no-contact

Girl, if someone wants to be in your life, let them in (if they’re good for you, obviously). If someone doesn’t want to be in your life, they can walk away. But for the love of God, do not let them stand in your way. 

If someone hurt you, broke your heart, ignores you or is detrimental to your mental health and well-being, do not contact them. Ever. 

I know it sounds harsh. But why would you torture yourself following him on social media? Why would you disrespect yourself by sending a text knowing he will ignore or worse yet, respond with something dumb and hurtful?

Protect that little heart and keep your head high, my lady.

Delete his number, block, unfollow, unfriend, you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do. 

Here is a great article on this topic. 

4. Look for progress, not a pastime 

Our default reaction after a heartbreak is to seek immediate relief or a distraction. 

If you want to watch Netflix until sunrise to avoid thinking about your pain, go ahead. But don’t indulge in distractions indefinitely. 

It will not bring you relief, healing or closure.

Unhealthy or unproductive distractions will leave you broke, fat, with a hangover, and dark circles under your eyes. 

If you truly want to heal your heart and move forward in life, engage in a meaningful activity where you can make and see progress. 

That will make you feel like a million bucks, any day of the week. 

I’m sure I am not the only one with a “To do when I have more time” list.

5. Recognize your part in the heartbreak

This is not about self-blame; it’s about self-awareness.

We are the common denominator in our life story.

We play a part in everything that happens to us, for us, and with us. Many times in a divorce, I hear people immediately taking sides. “Oh, she was crazy!” Or “He cheated!”

But life is never one-sided. Seldom do things happen for solely one reason. And anyway, it’s not about that at all.

It takes courage and humility to look in the mirror and ask, “What part did I play?”

If we want to move on, we must recognize our role, how we may have contributed to this heartbreak in one way or another, and, most importantly, what we can do to heal the part of ourselves that inadvertently led us to this unbearable pain.

Until we do so, we are trapped in an ever-revolving merry-go-round of victimhood, self-pity, blame, and accusations.

And healing is standing on the side, dizzy.

6. The power of forgiveness

If we learn to forgive, much of our anger, resentment, and bitterness disappear. Once your heart is empty of all those sad emotions, you will make room for healing, trust, and love.

It’s not easy, but as the saying goes,

If you can forgive and forget, my darling, you are blessed.

Bad memory isn’t always a bad thing, after all.

7. Use your pain